Shadow Play

Dear Dame Wotta,
I'm writing for your valuable advice because I have become convinced that you are the only person who can help and understand me.

The trouble I'm having is with my shadow. Over the years it seems to have gathered more and more intelligence until finally, it has a will of its own.

It started one fine evening as I was walking home from a night with my friends at the local watering hole. As I was lurching down the street I noticed out of my peripheral vision that my shadow wasn’t 'in sync' with me any more. I stopped dead in my tracks and noticed a definite lag with my shadow stopping, as if it was taken by surprise. I put it through some tests, running, stopping abruptly, darting backwards, leaping forwards, until people started crossing the road to get away from me. I must admit smelling of booze, I could see their point.

Anyway I digress. The point is my shadow wasn’t up to the task, it just didn’t keep up. Finally completely tiring of the game it stopped trying to humor me and shot me the finger and went and sat down on a park bench, casually crossing its legs as it did so. I sallied forth and joined it where we sat in uncomfortable silence for some time, neither of us wanting to break the ice.

After about an hour of this the beer I'd drank began to take its toll and nature beckoned. There was a wooded area close by and I got up and wandered into the bush to answer the call. I dropped to a crouch as I lowered my undies, and just as I was about to experience relief, I saw my shadow mockingly crouching nearby, and I swear it was shaking with silent laughter.

That did it; I leaped on it and tussled with it, which was somewhat difficult because it had no substance. I dived after it as it turned to flee, completely forgetting that I had my unmentionables around my ankles, and went head first into a bed of nettles knocking myself out cold on a large hidden tree stump.

This was how the authorities found me later on, my underwear around my ankles, my head and face swollen to twice its normal size, stinking of booze. Sadly they had spoken to some passerby’s who had described my leaping backwards and forwards and yelling the occasional triumphant shout (as the shadow failed to match my move) for no apparent reason that they were aware of, and I had been designated lunatic status.

I tried to explain about my shadow but somehow that seemed to make things worse.

I had never been in a paddy wagon before. They’re not very comfy and on the way we stopped to pick up some female, who unlike myself was truly a lunatic, as big as a Mac truck and twice as dangerous looking. Apparently it had been involved in some bar brawl.

As we sat in the lurching wagon opposite each other on benches, my shadow put in an appearance, it was sitting next to the bar brawler thumbing its nose at me. “You asshole!” I yelled through my swollen lips. The Mac trucks gaze focused on me.

I don’t remember landing on the floor, but the rest of the night was an incredibly painful blur with needles, antiseptic smells and being wheeled around a lot.

Dame Wotta, this was the first of many difficult evenings, as my shadow is a complete and utter shit! It delights in getting me in terrible trouble and I have already done a couple of stints in the ‘funny farm’ because of it. Nobody believes me, and I can’t seem to stop reacting to it and letting it goad me into the most terrible situations.

How do I get rid of it, what must I do, please, I beg of you, advise me?

Ms Dowash
Sunnyvale Rest Home


My Dear Ms Dowash,
I certainly do believe you. Your shadow can only be behaving independently for a very few reasons, none of them good.

Your shadow may have become loosened after a severe shock. This does not entirely excuse its crude hand signals, however. Have you done anything to harm, scare or shock it, even if advertently? A shadow with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a pretty sight.

Worse still, it may have been bribed or coerced by an undesirable spirit, in which case you may suffer a partial soul loss. To get it back, you will have to prepare an acceptable offer, a counter-bribe of magnificent proportions. In other words, you will have to trick it. Write to me privately and I will send you a list of my prices for tricks.

I recall a case where a man in Ireland was out walking in lonely hill country. He sat against a rock and rested for a while. After a few minutes he began to hear haunting music so he got up and looked around for the source. Finding nothing he stood uncertainly looking at the view, half in a trance, the music faint but audible still. Suddenly a movement on the ground beneath him caught his eye. Looking down, he saw to his horror a little man playing music on the pipes while an equally vertically challenged lady was carefully cutting around his shadow with a tiny pair of golden scissors. Yelling with shock and fear he leaped around, scaring the two shadow-thieves’s who ran away leaving the evil deed unfinished. Although this man was very ill and weak for some months he eventually recovered completely. My point is that shadows are far more vulnerable, and sometimes more dangerous, than most humans realize.

Some shadows are just plain bloody evil and need a good kick up the arse. If this is the case with yours, I advise you to stop drinking alcohol, as this will irritate and inflame the shadow, causing its behavior to worsen. It will need obedience lessons.

In the scatological literary masterpiece ‘Winnie The Pooh’, Piglet, a poorly adapted young swine, becomes friendly with his shadow while feeling neglected by his own pals. After his friends take notice of him once more, this quisling porker immediately and callously drops his shadow-self, which promptly leaves him. His sterling friends unwisely offer their own shadows as replacements, but after all it’s not necessary as he is happily reunited with his own, although not before the end of the chapter, if I recall.

The worse-case scenario, of course, is that you are of the type of Vampyre strain that acts most physically in this world. If this is the case then there is little hope for you. Once the double is awakened there will be no way to stop it without the intervention of One Who Walks Two or Three Worlds. I may be able to put you in contact with someone, but there are no guarantees. It’s possible that your shadow will escalate from taunting you to committing heinous crimes, such as the ritual strangulation of victims. Take heart, though! Your shadow will never cause you yourself any real danger. Its influence will end at your own life’s ending, as it relies totally on you for its ability to act independently. It will never risk your life, and it may yet be useful in alerting you to feeding opportunities should this prove to be the case and your Vampyre genetics begin to kick in as they so often do in these sad cases.

I myself rarely cast a shadow, but the Tarot often. If you find you need specialized assistance please write to me privately as I can help unravel the cause for you. I must say I admire your courage under such difficult circumstances!

Best of Fortune,
Dame Wotta Tripp