Help From Zimbabwe Too Late For Charles

Dear Dame Wotta Tripp,
Even when quite a boy I was intrigued by aviation and hoped eventually to become an airline pilot.

I had a troubled childhood and when a teen had an encounter with the law. I was run over by a police car and required years of medical treatment and rehabilitation. This precluded any formal training as a pilot so I avidly devoured all written material on the subject that I could find. Now I feel reasonably fit, and at lunch time the other day, while working as a night-watchman, I read an advertisement for an intensive mail-order tutorial which, if successfully completed, would result in the granting of a diploma as a pilot, complete with frame and wall-hook.

Although not a rich man, the fee was within my grasp, since it could be paid in installments which had to be sent to a P.O. Box number in Zimbabwe. My aunt, who is actually my mother, but does not wish to claim that distinction, believes the course is not genuine, but I have checked the atlas and confirmed that Zimbabwe does actually exist, so I cannot understand her opposition to my advancement. Don’t you agree that a young man's wings should not be clipped?

Onwards and Upwards,
Charles Skye.

Dear Charles,
I have a message of hope for you. I'm sorry, but Zimbabwe is in crisis right now and could not respond and send you your course. I have found a friend, Nigeria, who will help you. Also, Nigeria is by the seaside, well some of it, which I think is nice, and there's probably a breeze too, and safety as long as you're away from petroleum facilities. Anyway, see what you think, Charles, it was the best I could do on short notice. Email me, sweetie, if you want to make arrangements. I'm on your side here, and your Mummy doesn't seem to know what she's talking about. You're grown up now, spread those wings!

LAGOS, NIGERIA.

ATTENTION: THE PRESIDENT/CEO

DEAREST CHARLES SKYE,

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.

WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.

THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:

(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.

(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.

(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.

ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.

PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.

BEST REGARDS

WOTTA JUMAI FA’IQAH TRIPP