Scrupulously Clean Bottom

Dear Dame Wotta,
I love animals and have three kittens. I enjoy spoiling them and cuddling them. We are all very close.

My family and friends are persnickety, and they often tell me about things I could catch from my pets. I don’t want to argue with them but I resent their little lectures on ‘hygiene’. I actually prefer the company of small furry critters more than that of my family. Great Uncle Jessup dribbles and wipes his nose on his sleeve and people still touch him (well, I don’t, but some do).

What shall I tell them all to shut them up?
Thanks, Janet

Dear Janet,

I do agree with you in this instance. Despite the fact that cats carry disgusting parasites that can even be found in their saliva, and many other things, I have good news for you!
So do you! Nearly everybody has oodles of parasites, so it’s easy to see how we can also give our pets parasites. The simple answer is that we all have to suffer a little to be close.
I too have pets. Particularly clean is my little cat Poppy. His bottom is so soft and pink and scrupulously clean that you could practically eat your dinner off it. He cleans his sweet little face so well you could kiss him on the lips (I don’t mean French Kissing), but Dearie, let me tell you, if you took a microscope to his little parts, you would see them all swarming like locusts over grain fields.

Try n Try not to think about it. Hug your pets, but don’t lick them. Warm and Fuzzy is good, if you don’t deal with magnification issues. Try showing your family this letter as an explanation, but be sure not to let Uncle Jessup see it.

Hope Hope this helps - Wotta